Codependency
by theatrhythms
Summary: How do you live when your life itself is gone?


**Title: **Co-Dependency

**Author: **X Academy

**Series:** Supernatural

**Summary: **How do you live when your life itself is gone?

**Warnings/Rating:** K. Just a shitload of angst.

**Pairings:** None

**Characters:**

Dean Winchester – 30  
Sam Winchester – 26  
Bobby Singer (mentioned) – IDK???

**New Characters: **

**Author Notes: **I came up with this one after watching the new Supernatural promo for the millionth time. It just popped into my head. :) Um… I guess it takes place around season 4, but there's no select timeline. Don't read this if you don't like an angsty Dean.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural or any of their characters. I just do this for fun. I need a life.

* * *

_**I have not slept.  
**__**Between the acting of a dreadful thing  
**__**And first motion, all the interim is  
**__**Like a phantasma, or a hideous dream…**_

**- William Shakespeare, **_**Julius Caesar**_

~*~

When the door closes, the first feeling that surfaces is denial. _He's coming back_, I tell myself, _he's just pissed and blowing off steam. He'll come back_.

But then, there's doubt, which battles with the quiet assurance that Sammy's gonna come back. What if he doesn't? What will I do then? Can I go on?

Of course he's coming back; I don't have to worry about anything… do I?

I don't sleep at all tonight.

~*~

I'm on the road tonight; I've been for hours. After jumping battery of this abandoned Cadillac, I hit the road, trying to sort out my mind. _What do I do now?_

I've got nowhere to start, no one but hunters to go to for help, and I _don't_ want _anything_ to do with hunters anymore, never again. So… where does that leave me?

And as I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself, I find myself realizing how much Dean's life was a part of mine; we shared practically _everything_. What was I without Dean?

_An almost lawyer_, I remind myself. I can live without him; he's not my life support.

But then I think, can he live without me?

I don't stop at all tonight.

~*~

Sitting in the middle of this motel room, I'm tense and hysterical; quite literally a mess. I haven't moved for hours, or maybe days. My cell has been ringing off the hook, not that I care or even bother to answer it.

I feel frozen in time, like the Earth stands still without Sam at my side. He's my gravity; the force that keeps my feet on the ground. Without him, I'm floating in space, paranoid, and certainly not coming back down to Earth.

I'm losing my head, my sense of self with it. It takes me forever to realize that it's nighttime again and that I've been crying for hours. And I'm still sitting in the same place.

Tonight, I stare at the shadows on the wall through my tears, and hope that Sam will save me from them.

~*~

When I finally stop, I find myself at Bobby's, even after I swore off any allegiance with any hunters ever again. Well, I can make an exception for Bobby; he's the closest person in the world to me… besides Dean.

Once inside the house, after greeting Bobby and telling him everything, we sit in silence and look around. Seeing all the pictures and small mementos of my life with Dean, I can feel my heart aching horribly in my chest. With guilt, with longing; why'd I have to leave him?

Tonight, I sleep on the couch, staring out the window at the moon and wondering if Dean sees it too.

~*~

I think my life is ending. Or maybe it's ended already.

Stuck here in this warped, frozen period of time, I feel like I'm dead. This can't _possibly_ be life; it just can't be. Staring at the ceiling and seeing anything but that. I'm in Heaven, possibly, with my life swirling behind my eyes. Or maybe I'm in Hell again, because I'm almost certain that my heart has been ripped from my chest and mutilated in spite of me.

It doesn't matter where I am; I just want Sammy here, too.

I'm going to die tonight.

~*~

I leave early in the morning so I don't have to deal with Bobby's questions and likely scolding. He doesn't need to know what I'm about to do, and he doesn't need to at the moment.

Speeding down the highway, I'm berating myself for anything insulting thing I've ever said to Dean, or any lie I've ever told him. He's not always right, but he's my brother, and more than anything… I love him. That counts more than some petty argument or a small, careless lie ever will.

I start to jump to suspicions while I'm driving. _What if Dean left the motel? It's been two days… he must've left. What if he hates me? What if I'm too late?_ I pray to God that I'm not too late…

I'm going to fix things tonight.

~*~

When I see him in the doorway, the first feeling that surfaces is denial. _He's not back_, I say. But then I see the green in Sammy's eyes, and I can feel myself falling like lightning back to Earth.

He smiles.

I smile.

Tonight, I lie with the only person I ever loved. And I haven't been happier since.

* * *

**:O)**

**I hope you guys liked that. It's not a masterpiece, but… yeah.**

**Reviews are much appreciated.**

**- X Academy**


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